Jokes

[Green Meenie]

SQUIRRELS

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

 

[mimico_polak]

View attachment 56575

@mimico_polak check your post...it's all a bunch of gobbledygook....

Thanks! Stupid iPhone wouldn't copy and past a simple image...this is what I wanted.

 

[crankcall]

@mimico , that’s an awful joke , took me about 3 mins to get it . Ok it’s fine now …


Sent from my iPhone using GTAMotorcycle.com

 

[ifiddles]

ITALIAN ALTAR BOY CONFESSION !

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Dominic Savino?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

"Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell. '

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go say a rosary and behave yourself.'
Dominic walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

 

[timtune]

@Gary with a SheWee (I think that's what it's called) it can be done...or so I'm told LMAO

Could it not also be done with simply good aim? Years ago in Europe at some public washroom with a huge line for "womens" a little old lady cosied up to the urinal next to me, hitched up her shirt, and let fly.

 

[Green Meenie]

 

[ifiddles]

 

[High Flya]

Could it not also be done with simply good aim? Years ago in Europe at some public washroom with a huge line for "womens" a little old lady cosied up to the urinal next to me, hitched up her shirt, and let fly.

You met Mrs Doubtfire?

 

[ifiddles]

 

[nobbie48]

 

[mimico_polak]

 

[Baggsy]

View attachment 56701

Is that a joke?!?

 

[mimico_polak]

Is that a joke?!?

I found it entertaining. 42 feeling like 25…except with longer hangovers…and more aches and pains…but outside of that…25.

 

[800over]

Did you hear about the farmer who figured out how to grow dildos?
Now he has a problem with squatters....

 

[klr_guy]

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

 

[ifiddles]

Along with common sense...

 

[ifiddles]

 

[Katatonic]

 

[nobbie48]

 

[timtune]

I was on a Hyundai test drive one time and it was super empty. We stopped for gas and the sales guy put in $5. wtf. What a stupid system.

Was doing a bike demo and ran out.Tailgunner swaps bikes with me and say "take my and try to catch up to the group" Zoom Zoom.