Not sure if this belongs in jokes.
#1 Bestseller in Books on Amazon:
How the Prime Minister stole Freedom
#1 Bestseller in Books on Amazon:
How the Prime Minister stole Freedom
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Jokes
- Thread starter ifiddles
- Start date
DownUnder
Well-known member
Good luck trying that with the paper straws...
Guy goes to a gas station and is looking at the price of regular, premium and super. Stands there looking at it for a few minutes.
Attendant comes out and asks ‘can I help you sir?’
‘No thanks. I’m just browsing.’
Attendant comes out and asks ‘can I help you sir?’
‘No thanks. I’m just browsing.’
Green Meenie
Well-known member
Random Thoughts to Ponder:
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there's a new strain out there.
As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore. . . . I'm not going to let you hurt me again."
My Trainer: "It was only one sit-up!”
I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four US presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on just one.
I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't an acceptable response.
The wife says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.
So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it?
Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dumbass.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there's a new strain out there.
As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore. . . . I'm not going to let you hurt me again."
My Trainer: "It was only one sit-up!”
I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four US presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on just one.
I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't an acceptable response.
The wife says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.
So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it?
Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dumbass.
I was trying to avoid licking my finger to turn the page on the local flier. We were dog sitting so I just held out my finger and my daughter's pup licked it. Problem solved.
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ifiddles
Well-known member
@DownUnder take the bag by the "handles" and gently (GENTLY) tug them apart...that gentle tug will open the bag slightly...this only works for the handle type bags...
I was just about to say 'ask a woman to help you'. I have yet to be able to open one myself and usually I end up asking a woman to do it for me. I always get the 'you are a dumbass' look followed by a smile
Riceburner
Well-known member
Really???? ya'll need instruction on opening a plastic bag????
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