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oilycreek

Banned
I got these two emailed to me, and thought I would share.

IN LINE AT THE BANK

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line. Just one lady in front of me . . an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today, I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.' The Asian lady said, 'Fluc you white people, too.'




Dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son!"Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.
"What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad! Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son." robot slaps the mom




 

kickstartt

Well-known member
the 2nd one is pretty funny

but i can see the scenario happening decribed in the 1st joke as well
 

BLUE_KAWI

Well-known member
hahahha...good ones
 

nfq

Well-known member
Site Supporter
I would like to share an experience with you; it has to do with drinking and driving. As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities on our way home. Well I for one have done something about it. The other night I was out for a dinner and drinks with friends. After having far too much to drink, and knowing full well I was wasted, I did something I’ve never done before. I took a bus home. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before.
 

oilycreek

Banned
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's
birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes
over to the counter. The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades. She says to
him, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, ?"Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the
counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale
this week for only $20.00." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit
card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't
know that she was the only person around? The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?" He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."
She paid it and left without saying a word.
 
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macrider

Well-known member
LOL that was good Oilycreek!

Heres a good one...
[h=2]Saying Goodbye to Mother[/h]
We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a
night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put
the cat in the backyard.


We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we
opened the front door to leave the house.


As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into
the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house. Because she always tries to
eat the bird.


My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The
cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't
want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she
explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs
to say Goodbye to my mother.'


A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we
drove away. 'That stupid ***** was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ***
with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed
her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from
scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat *** downstairs and threw her out
into the back yard!'


The cab driver hit a parked car.

 

RockerGuy

Banned
Site Supporter
 

f1mauro

Well-known member
Site Supporter

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two a$$es come together.
I come once-a-more! ...
Two a$$es, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this anymore,
"You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!"
She retorted indignantly.
'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell
Mississippi










































 
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SeaBreez

Well-known member
Great thread, broke a gut laughing....any more?
 

FiReSTaRT

Well-known member
Site Supporter
 

jc100

Well-known member
Guy walks into a bar with a monkey, orders a drink, gives the drink to the monkey who downs it in one, the guy then punches the monkey and the monkey then proceeds to unzip the guys pants and gives him a BJ.

The bar tender stops what he's doing and says to the guy "that's amazing, mind if I try?" "Sure" says the guy zipping up his pants...bartender pours a pint, gives it to the monkey who downs it, the bartender smacks the monkey in the mouth and the monkey hops over the bar, unzips the bartenders pants and gives him a BJ. "wow" says the bartender, "that was amazing".

Guy at the back of the bar pipes up "hey, can I have a go?" "sure" says the monkey's owner, the guy comes over, sits on the bar, has a sip of his drink and then says "OK, don't hit me too hard".
 

SunnY S

Well-known member
Site Supporter
Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour.'
 

Schneller

Well-known member
Site Supporter
Guy goes to the same bar every night, sits at the same table, and orders 3 double vodkas. After a week of this, the waitress suggests that he order his drinks one at a time so that the ice doesn't melt in his second and third drinks. Guy says no, he does this to honor his 2 best friends who are currently serving overseas in the military.

one night, guy comes in and just orders 2 doubles. The waitress is concerned/saddened, and says, I'm very sorry , did one of your buddies die?

oh no, says the guy. They're fine, but I've quit drinking.
 

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