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Video games and an unrewarding life

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shanekingsley said:
I probably wasn't feeling as much apathy as you, but when I was 29, I was in a great job with awesome pay and perks and was moving up the corporate ladder. I had no kids, no house, no major responsibilities and life was moving according to the script. I had lot's of great friends, liked the people I was working with, was in great physical shape from all the working out and I was using my university education which seemed to make sense.

After 3 years in my newest role I realized I wasn't happy or being challenged enough in every facet of my life. I could literally play/teach billiards every day in the staff lounge for 3-4 hours and still meet all my work targets. My hobbies even ceased to challenge me the way I needed. I was no longer meeting anyone new that challenged me. I didn't want to be indoors any more working under fluorescent lights in recycled air, and going to a gym in recycled air - I wanted to sweat and get dirty every day and feel like I was doing something meaningful.

The strange thing that spurred the change was that one day I was riding the subway home work and saw one of those free "employment news" on the seat beside me. I picked it up wondering what kinds of stuff was going on in the job market. When I opened the paper, the first thing I saw was an ad asking "Have you ever wanted to work in a greenhouse? Have you ever wanted to work with plants and trees and build beautiful gardens? If so, maybe an apprenticeship in Horticulture is for you!" I immediately realized that I wanted to be one of the largest producers of organic weed in Ontario and this education would get me there. I called the number and it seemed like a great fit for what I was looking for.

Since I was financially very comfortable, I decided to to take a leap of faith in myself and resign from that job and go back to school for horticulture. I also got my bike license right after quitting that job and also resolved to travel/backpack to at least one interesting place each year for the rest of my life. After school I immediately bought a motorcycle, got a job for minimum wage as a gardener/grunt in a high end property maintenance company and quickly moved up, but still only making around $20/hr. Even though it took me over 10 years to get my earnings to the place where they would have been (had I not changed my life direction), it was the best decision I made to try something completely new and uncomfortable and trust that it would give me the happiness/work/life balance. Even when I was not making much money from this change, I was happy.

Motorcycles became an all encompassing new hobby that was mine alone and I could develop in any direction. Even though I never became the commercial weed grower I thought I would become, horticulture became a way for me to earn a living, while doing different things and meeting people that were so different than anything I previously knew. Travelling each year became a way to meet other people and cultures that I would have normally thought nothing of. I am a firm believer that if you have an amazing work ethic and treat everyone around you well, good things will happen.

Maybe all you need is to identify and move away from the things that truly do not being you joy and take a leap of faith towards a different path in life.
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My point sounds similar to your 29 year old point. If I objectively look at my life, I can humbly say I'm unstoppable and beyond the vast majority regardless of age. Every job I've risen to the point of "irreplaceable because he built everything"; it's happening again and I was recently involuntarily promoted; it's been < 7 months at this gig.

While I'm very proud of the above, I am obviously bleeding apathy and forcing myself to perform. I need to figure something out because a full career swap is financial suicide.....there's probably a clock ticking between that and a full mental break though lol

bigpoppa said:
Feel like we might be related, that takes me way back
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We have read similar books yes =D

EDIT: Anyone read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?" I had a vague understanding of why the main character ended up in the loonie bin when I read it nearly 10 years ago....makes a lot more sense now.
 
油井緋色 said:
EDIT: Anyone read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?" I had a vague understanding of why the main character ended up in the loonie bin when I read it nearly 10 years ago....makes a lot more sense now.
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I read it when I was ~17. It was a painful read at that time. I felt tricked.

As for "financial suicide", so what? It sounds like you have started down a decent path and haven't set up a life that requires current cashflow to maintain, that gives you the flexibility. I don't know exact numbers but based on comments you have made, a career that pays half but allows you to be happier may be a better approach for you. Enough money to meet your obligations, free of the mental burden that is tearing you apart.
 
Matt Rain said:
You'd think the GTAM crowd would be mostly immune to chronic depression. My mood immediately improves after a motor and/or pedal bike ride.
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I know this wasn't said in earnest, and it would be in bad faith to object to it as such. However it's a common sentiment here - nobody is immune to depression. I struggle with it myself and I probably will be dealing with it forever

油井緋色 said:
EDIT: Anyone read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?" I had a vague understanding of why the main character ended up in the loonie bin when I read it nearly 10 years ago....makes a lot more sense now.
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That is a whole can of worms you're opening there. I'm not speaking for others, but I can give you an advance summary - many of us have read it, few of us really liked it. The story presented about making a shim for a loose handlebar stayed with me, but I did not gain a lasting appreciation for the "Metaphysics of Quality"
 
TwistedKestrel said:
I know this wasn't said in earnest, and it would be in bad faith to object to it as such. However it's a common sentiment here - nobody is immune to depression. I struggle with it myself and I probably will be dealing with it forever
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Sorry to hear that. You still ride at least right? Saying that out of concern.

TwistedKestrel said:
That is a whole can of worms you're opening there. I'm not speaking for others, but I can give you an advance summary - many of us have read it, few of us really liked it. The story presented about making a shim for a loose handlebar stayed with me, but I did not gain a lasting appreciation for the "Metaphysics of Quality"
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Quality is a metaphor for the cognitive dissonance and mental anguish that was tearing him apart. He needed to find and adopt, radically, a new perspective. I can project this on myself: my definition for success originally involved mercilessly executing tasks for an overall plan, regardless of anyone's happiness (including my own.) Typing that out has some clear red flags, but by internalizing and acting on it over 15 years, I've managed to do more than some ppl in their life time....so red flag/mental anguish/whatever or not, there was (still is) a lot of encouragement to continue that path.

.......honestly I'm writing this **** so anyone feeling the same way doesn't feel utterly insane cause on paper, I should be happy lol

GreyGhost said:
I read it when I was ~17. It was a painful read at that time. I felt tricked.

As for "financial suicide", so what? It sounds like you have started down a decent path and haven't set up a life that requires current cashflow to maintain, that gives you the flexibility. I don't know exact numbers but based on comments you have made, a career that pays half but allows you to be happier may be a better approach for you. Enough money to meet your obligations, free of the mental burden that is tearing you apart.
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I haven't given this serious thought. Will try....just think I'm too young to be waving a white flag.
 
Instead of changing careers why not just change your focus. Go into a field that makes the world a better place, or just saves one single life. Instead of working to fill someone else's wallet go develop something that helps someone, or saves a life. Yes, you may still be padding the owners wallet and the job may have those times where it sucks but if someone gets to go home to their family because of what you developed it makes a world of difference.

To quote from the move Twister....

Aunt Meg: "Jo...it's going to happen to somebody else. You...You go stop it."

Jo: "I don't know how."

Aunt Meg: "Well, I think you do. You've been...chasing these things since you were a little kid. It's what you do. Go. Do it."
 
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hdsomeday said:
Instead of changing careers why not just change your focus. Go into a field that makes the world a better place, or just saves one single life. Instead of working to fill someone else's wallet go develop something that helps someone, or saves a life. Yes, you may still be padding the owners wallet and the job may have those times where it sucks but if someone gets to go home to their family because of what you developed it makes a world of difference.

To quote from the move Twister....

Aunt Meg: "Jo...it's going to happen to somebody else. You...You go stop it."

Jo: "I don't know how."

Aunt Meg: "Well, I think you do. You've been...chasing these things since you were a little kid. It's what you do. Go. Do it."
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Good idea. Depending on his current job and contract, something like that could even be a side project. Pick an organization you like where you can see they have issues that you can help with and talk with them. Maybe a few evenings of work could remove a pain point and free them up to focus on doing good. If you are going to "donate" to charity in this way, I would donate time not a project as scope creep could kill you. Say you will donate 20 hours which should let you develop xyz. Without a time constraint, some charities are out of touch with reality and want weekly update meetings, meetings with stakeholders, etc that can use up more time than you planned on spending on the entire project in ancillary activities. By donating a time budget, you can limit your involvement in those activities as you see fit. A time budget may also help if they cut you a donation receipt (although I don't know how donating time works). When I have been involved with charity "work" before, the charity paid for the work, then the company donated the same amount back to the charity to make a clean donation and receipt.
 
油井緋色 said:
My point sounds similar to your 29 year old point. If I objectively look at my life, I can humbly say I'm unstoppable and beyond the vast majority regardless of age. Every job I've risen to the point of "irreplaceable because he built everything"; it's happening again and I was recently involuntarily promoted; it's been < 7 months at this gig.

While I'm very proud of the above, I am obviously bleeding apathy and forcing myself to perform. I need to figure something out because a full career swap is financial suicide.....there's probably a clock ticking between that and a full mental break though lol


We have read similar books yes =D

EDIT: Anyone read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?" I had a vague understanding of why the main character ended up in the loonie bin when I read it nearly 10 years ago....makes a lot more sense now.
Click to expand...
Your posts are often narcissistic, have you ever looked at the definition?

Narcissism: Symptoms and Signs
 
Mad Mike said:
Your posts are often narcissistic, have you ever looked at the definition?

Narcissism: Symptoms and Signs
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Like many people his age, OP seems stuck between his need for peer/family validation and his own actual desires. The humblebrag content seems more like a way to balance out the negativity. I dare say that we all go through that phase. I was working at a law firm in my mid to late 20s and every morning felt like reporting to prison.

Some people are able to front-load the suffering the whole way through, as OP eloquently put it. I gave up on that around age 28. Many ways to skin a cat.

That said, I don't miss my 20s. Very confusing and stressful decade.
 
Mad Mike said:
Your posts are often narcissistic, have you ever looked at the definition?

Narcissism: Symptoms and Signs
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It's not this. Asked this years ago to a professional.

I'm realistic and blunt as hell; like when I say I'm outperforming the vast majority, that's taking an avg number and looking at mine. I have rubbed many ppl the wrong way due to this and decided not to care a while ago.

Edit: also worth noting that looking at how far you've gone (for anyone), offsets the slave/master relationship if you have an obsessive need to perform; I have this problem.

Edit again: I've also repeatedly said I'm a leader. This isn't bragging: I hate leadership because it implies everything that goes wrong is my fault but it's exactly that reason that gets me promoted at every gig. It's as @Matt Rain wrote...what I want and what I end up doing clash.
 
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meme said:
All I learned from this thread is stay the **** away from video games if this is what happens.
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I suspect it is a chicken and egg problem. Did video games cause the issues or are people with the issues drawn to video games? I suspect more B than A. Although, without video games, a person with issues may have been forced to be more social and that helped them? Probably not. Probably would have made bombs in the basement instead of pretend killing in the basement.
 
meme said:
All I learned from this thread is stay the **** away from video games if this is what happens.
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Don't feedback loop the boomer stereotype.
 
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