Two cannibals are sitting on a park bench eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks “Does this taste funny to you?”.
Jokes
- Thread starter ifiddles
- Start date
Green Meenie
Well-known member
A man wearing a MAGA baseball cap was seated next to an woman on an airplane. He turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The woman, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the man. “How about those children whose parents get them vaccinated becoming autistic.”
“Okay,” she said. “This could be interesting topic but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The man, visibly surprised by the woman’s question, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the woman replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss science and medicine, when you don’t know s**t?”
The woman, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the man. “How about those children whose parents get them vaccinated becoming autistic.”
“Okay,” she said. “This could be interesting topic but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The man, visibly surprised by the woman’s question, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the woman replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss science and medicine, when you don’t know s**t?”
You blew it!
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the
city's most successful lawyer.
So a United Way worker paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish
office. The United Way guy opened the meeting by saying, 'Our
research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars,
you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to
your community through the United Way?
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also
show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge
medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know
that.
'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled
veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife
and six children?
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off
again.
'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died
in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three
children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities
requiring an array of private tutors?'
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I
had no idea.'
And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes
you think I'd give any to you?
city's most successful lawyer.
So a United Way worker paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish
office. The United Way guy opened the meeting by saying, 'Our
research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars,
you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to
your community through the United Way?
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also
show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge
medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know
that.
'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled
veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife
and six children?
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off
again.
'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died
in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three
children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities
requiring an array of private tutors?'
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I
had no idea.'
And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes
you think I'd give any to you?
