Obesity

[nobbie48]

I understand and my apologies for anyone you know that experiences those.

As a counter example, here's what went on in my mind:

My mother was a control freak with a side order of Dunning Krueger Effect.
"Your mother is someone who never wanted to leave her comfort zone, and is afraid of anything that challenges her belief. DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE THIS?! DO YOU WANT TO BE WEAK?" (My mother is like this btw lol)

Physical limitations keep a person dependent. It's hard to walk away when you have no legs
When I broke my clavicle, I was told not to gym. But there's no mercy for the weak.
"You know what normal people do? THEY SIT OUT. **** BEING NORMAL, **** THEIR PROJECTION!"
"You think you get a break if you break your legs one day? DO PULL UPS WITH A WHEEL CHAIR AND INSPIRE PEOPLE *****!"

I have a friend with dyslexia. Self help books don't work well.
"You think Goku, or Vegeta needed to read to get stronger? DRAW FROM WITHIN *****!"
"Oh what's that? Those two characters aren't real? You think Goggins needed to read before realizing he was a weak, fat ****? STOP MAKING EXCUSES."

I'm sharing this mostly because I see your perspective very often. This is the other side, and it is not by any means easy, ever. Nor do I think everyone is capable of it, but for those who have that spark....again, **** the noise and repel the projection from others without mercy.

EDIT: Forgot a key thing that makes it easier.
I went through creating the mental thought processes above assuming I was ****** up beyond the average person. There was a ton of self-hatred involved (can be powerful if used correctly, but it's a very powerful double edged sword with no handle.) It took 10 years before I realized something really key that made it so much easier:

Every single person is just as ****** up. We all hide whatever is ****** up about us because we want to feel good about ourselves. When this hit me, it felt like chains broke off. I had assumed I was operating from a negative (I'm certain others feel the same way), but when you remove that from your identify and realize it's the norm...holy ****, you will fly.

I hope your view continues to work for you.

It didn't work for a kid I watched grow up. We babysat him. I carried him on my shoulders. Inspite of doing everything he possibly could to overcome depression he committed suicide. Telling a person that has a brain wired from birth to think differently is no different than telling a short person to grow taller.

Would you tell a PTSD veteran to get off his ass and get a job? He's just milking the system because he's gutless?

Would you tell a rape victim to get over it? The rapist didn't do anything her boyfriend didn't do.

If you want to learn more about it read "The body Keeps The Score" by Van Der Kolk.

 

[Mad Mike]

I hope your view continues to work for you.

It didn't work for a kid I watched grow up. We babysat him. I carried him on my shoulders. Inspite of doing everything he possibly could to overcome depression he committed suicide. Telling a person that has a brain wired from birth to think differently is no different than telling a short person to grow taller.

Would you tell a PTSD veteran to get off his ass and get a job? He's just milking the system because he's gutless?

Would you tell a rape victim to get over it? The rapist didn't do anything her boyfriend didn't do.

If you want to learn more about it read "The body Keeps The Score" by Van Der Kolk.

I sometimes wonder how millions of displaced refugees (and others before them)who faced unthinkable atrocities are so resilient.

I’ve worked with Lebanese, Afghans, Palestinians some of their stories are gut wrenching. Perhaps they have some well concealed damage, but they do move forward and seem to overcome their horrible experiences.

 

[油井緋色]

I hope your view continues to work for you.

It didn't work for a kid I watched grow up. We babysat him. I carried him on my shoulders. Inspite of doing everything he possibly could to overcome depression he committed suicide. Telling a person that has a brain wired from birth to think differently is no different than telling a short person to grow taller.

Would you tell a PTSD veteran to get off his ass and get a job? He's just milking the system because he's gutless?

Would you tell a rape victim to get over it? The rapist didn't do anything her boyfriend didn't do.

If you want to learn more about it read "The body Keeps The Score" by Van Der Kolk.

Let me put it this way: I spent 5 years, during school, listening to the same song every morning and mentally chanting "you will succeed, or die trying." Fat, uneducated, and poor is death by a thousand cuts; might as well end it sooner.

So if either were me: yes. If it were somebody else...probably more empathy lol

I sometimes wonder how millions of displaced refugees (and others before them)who faced unthinkable atrocities are so resilient.

I’ve worked with Lebanese, Afghans, Palestinians some of their stories are gut wrenching. Perhaps they have some well concealed damage, but they do move forward and seem to overcome their horrible experiences.

Suffering is relative I think; someone who's only been in Western society will get angry over their coffee. Someone who's never had clean water may break down in tears when they realize they'll always have clean water if moving to the Western world.

 

[nobbie48]

There is a philosophical question, What happens when an unstoppable force meets and unmovable object?

That happens when two control freaks meet. It can come to bloodshed. In some ugly divorces, couples destroy their entire equities fighting over a salad bowl.

I don't come across as a control freak but will dig in my heels at some point. Also third parties come into it. When I had to choose between my mother and my wife my mother lost. I eventually found some well written prose that basically said we may never agree but we will always love each other. That seemed to form a truce.

It is important that one lives his / her own life using whatever tools are needed. Those tools should never become weapons.

 

[油井緋色]

There is a philosophical question, What happens when an unstoppable force meets and unmovable object?

Conflict, almost always.

Since we're getting to this direction....I don't believe, from a human fundamental perspective, that fighting is preventable. Lets say, for example, China manages to take over. I'm Taiwanese and my fiancee is Muslim; I would die protecting that; China hates both for anyone unaware.

People are so strongly attached to their ideas that communities like this r/ForeverAlone exist, where the members would rather cling onto despair than try to climb out because it is all they have.

Keep in mind, however, this generally happens when two people with opposing views refuse to understand the other side's perspective and want to change/cancel the other view. Racism is a pretty good example of this. I don't think any of that is happening in this thread.

It is important that one lives his / her own life using whatever tools are needed. Those tools should never become weapons.

My "tool" was weaponized first due to lack of empathy (was literally forced to shut it off due to heavy emotional abuse); self hatred, after all, also goes outwards to everyone else.

I feel ya here btw...I've done some atrocious **** before I met my fiancee, who taught me love is not something used to manipulate others. I hope your situation wasn't anywhere near similar! It's also why I know I can use my mentality to trigger other's insecurities.