An Aussie Christmas

TK4

Well-known member
An Aussie Christmas : 🐨
'Twas the night before Christmas; there wasn't a sound.
Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.
We'd left on the table some tucker and beer,
Hoping that Santa Claus soon would be here;
We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,
While dreams of pavlova danced 'round in our heads;
And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts,
Had just settled down to watch TV sports.
When outside the house a mad ruckus arose;
Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.
We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out,
Snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout.
Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,
But a rusty old Ural pulled by eight mighty 'roos.
The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,
And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be.
Now, I'm telling the truth it's all dinki-di,
Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.
Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,
And encouraged the 'roos, by calling their names.
'Now, Kylie! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Shane!
On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne!
Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink,
I'll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!'
So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,
With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.
He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground,
Then in through the window he sprang with a bound.
He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard.
A jolly old joker was how he appeared.
He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet,
And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat.
His eyes – bright as opals – Oh! How they twinkled!
And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!
His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly
Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.
A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back,
And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.
He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee,
To position our goodies beneath the yule tree.
Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two.
And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.
A mysterious package he left for our Mum,
Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb;
He strolled out on deck and his 'roos came on cue;
Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.
He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates-
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and goodonya, MATES!'
 
Or if you'd rather -

'Twas the night before Christmas at the motorcycle store.
The sales clerks were gone; they'd locked up the door.
Back in service, the tools were hung with great care,
The floors had been swept, the workbenches bare.
Sales had been brisk, filling staff with elation
As they headed down south for their winter vacation.
The new shiny sportbikes had all been sold out,
And all that was left was an Indian Scout,
A Norton Commando, a Rudge Multi too,
And a black BMW R32,
A Vincent, a Matchless, and Velocette,
And a drippy old Brough that wouldn't start on a bet.
"This stinks," said the Norton. "We're just as fine
As those Japanese bikes the kids buy all the time."
"You're right," said the Vincent as he grew agitated.
"All I need is to get my back tire inflated,
Then I could compete with the best of `em yet."
"Me, too! I'm still fast," cried the old Velocette.
"If someone was handy, somebody smart,
They'd know how to fix us and get us to start."
And so while they grumbled and whined and complained,
They didn't notice a visitor came.
He was dressed all in leather, black head to toe,
And his helmet had reflective stickers that brightly glowed.
His beard was snow-white. It reached to his chest.
How he got in the door was anyone's guess.
He looked them all over. "Merry Christmas!" he said.
"Are you fellows available to pull my big sled?"
"Who, us?" laughed the Matchless. "We're rusty and old.
Nobody wants us, that's why we're not sold.
Kids want electric, not our old kickstarts.
These young punks think we're just bikes for old farts."
"My Lucas headlight hasn't worked well in years,"
Said the Rudge. "And my gearbox is missing some gears.
I'd be much obliged if you'd look at my choke.
And the earthing brush in my magneto is broke."
"My mix is too rich, I think," said the Beemer.
"Does anyone know how to set the carb leaner?"
Then Santa said, "Hey, stop the whining, you guys.
You're legends and history in many men's eyes.
So what if you're rusty and don't look brand new?
Hypermotards and `Busas wouldn't be here without you."
Then the vintage bikes lights started glowing with pride.
And the Norton Commando said, "Let's take a ride!"
"I'm ready, let's go, come on!" said the Brough.
"Let's get it in gear and show `em our stuff."
They took to the road, their pipes roared like thunder.
And Santa sat back in his sled, filled with wonder.
And he said as he watched them race into the night,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a safe ride."
 
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