Yup. It is an actually Battery Tender Junior TM.
I left the bike plugged in overnight, but the results were the same. When I turned the key to the ON position, the dash lit up for one or two seconds, then went completely black again. (To be fair, I didn’t check the voltage at that exact moment.)
First, I checked all the fuses in the fuse box, and then the main fuses next to the starter solenoid. Everything looked fine.
Next, I removed the battery from the bike—which, as many of you know, isn’t exactly a quick job on a Ducati, since it’s mounted at the bottom of the bike, right in front of the rear wheel.
I connected the Battery Tender directly to the terminals (in case the piggyback connector was acting up). At that point, voltage was reading between 13V and 14V.
I reinstalled the battery and finally checked the voltage while turning the key. With the Battery Tender still connected, turning the key to ON caused the voltage to drop from 13V straight down to 3V.
So… safe to say this battery is toast, right?