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Joke of the day

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gsxr_gurl18

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Lost wife at costco...


Two guys, one old timer and one young, were pushing their carts around Costco when they collide.
The old timer said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.
"The young guy said, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy replied, "Well, she is 24 yrs. old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top, and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old timer said, "It doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."
 
she is 24 yrs. old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top, and no bra

Which Costco was that in? :D
 
Last time I was there, the DHS people stopped just short of latex gloves.. I won't sacrifice my anal virginity for any amount of silicone :eek:
 
Funny ....I laughed.
 
[FONT=Courier New, Courier, monospace] I don't mind going to work, but that 8-hour wait to go home is a b!tch.[/FONT]
 
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A newfies neighbour says to him, "George you have to close the blinds when you and the wife are having sex". George asks "why", neighbour, "last night all the neighbours saw you and her having sex and they weren't very happy with you", George " jokes on them I wasn't home last night"
 
lol good one!
 
A police officer sees a bunch of little old ladies in an ancient Buick drive by his radar trap on highway doing 77 kph.

Seeing as how everyone else is doing 90 or more, he decides to pull her over for a talk.

When he gets to the car, she asks what the problem is as she was doing the exact speed limit.
He says no ma'm the speed limit is 80 kph but you were only doing 77.

She blushes and says oh my, doesn't that sign say the speed limit?

He responds, no that is the highway number, this is highway 48.

Just then he notices that the other old ladies are all white as a sheet, and he asks if they are ok. The driver responds "they'll be fine, we just came from highway 169".
 
lol, good stuff! keep it up!!
 
A guy drives up to a stop sign, and does a rolling stop, there was a cop sitting there and he pulls the guy over. Driver "what did I do officer", officer " you didn't stop at the stop sign" Driver" yes I did" officer " no you slowed down but didn't stop" driver "slow down, stop what's the difference" so the cops pulls out his baton and proceeds to beat the guy over the head and says " do you want me to stop or slow down"
 
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."

LOL
 
wife says to her husband "make love to me like they do in the movies" he gets up and cums on her face. she say "what the **** ?" he replys "I guess we don't watch the same movies."
 
An Italian, American and Newfie are working on the roof of a condo, and every day at lunch they sit together. The Italian opens his lunch and says salami again wtf, if she makes me salami again this week I am going to jump off this roof to my death, the American opens his lunch and he has ham, he says ham again, if my wife makes me ham again this week I am going to jump off the roof to my death, the Newfie opens his lunch and has peanut butter, he says jesus H christ, if I have peanut butter again this week, I am jumping from the roof to my death. The next day lunch time comes and they all sit together, the Italian opens his lunch and has soup, the american opens his lunch, and has beans, the Newfie opens his lunch and he has peanut butter, so he runs across the roof and jumps to his death, at the funeral the American, Italian , their wives and the newfies wife are all talking, the American and Italian wives say I am so glad I changed your lunch that day, the Newfie's wife says, I don't understand he makes his own lunch.
 
.....so this guy is going through a nasty divorce and needs to get away and collect his thoughts. He takes a trip to a far away place and while strolling on the beach he finds a genie lamp. Sure enough he opens it and out pops a genie with three wishes. But the genie explains that whatever the guy wishes for his soon to be ex-wife will recieve twice as much. The guys first wish is five million bucks, his second wish is a five thousand square foot house.....the genie says okay now think really hard because this is your last wish. So the guy thinks for a couple minutes and with a smile and a chuckle he says he would like to get beaten half to death!!
 
an old couple are in church...the wife scribbles on a piece of paper and hands it to her husband, it reads "i just let out a silent fart, what should i do?"...the husband scribbles on the other side of the piece of paper and hands it back, "change the batteries in your hearing aid!"...
 
Three gay guys are soaking in a hot tub when a splotch of cum floats to the surface..one of them says "alright, who farted?"
 
A kid from Keswick asks his dad "Dad can I use the car" Dad thinks for a min and says " sure but you have to give me a BJ" son says "oh dad what ever" so as the son is giving his dad a BJ he says "eww your dick tastes like ****" dad replies "oh ya I forgot, your sister has it"
 
Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”

Client: “Is e-mail internet”?

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”

Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”

Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”

Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”

Client: “Open what?”

Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”

Client: “My…my…?”

Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”

Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”

Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”

Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”

Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”

Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”

Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”

Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”

Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”

Client: “My what?”

Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”
Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.

Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”

Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”

Me: “An error message?”

Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”

Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”

Client: “Yes.”
Me: “Move it for me.”

Client: “Move it?”

Me: “Yes. Move it.”

Client: “My e-mail!”
 

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