Posted in the RIder Down thread:
"Georgina Advocate
By Susie Kockerscheidt and Brea Bartholet
A motorcyclist has been taken to hospital after a collision on The Queensway South near Glenwoods Avenue in Keswick, Oct. 1.
York Regional Police were called to the area following reports of a two-vehicle collision.
A 35-year-old male motorcyclist was travelling southbound on The Queensway, when a woman travelling northbound in a Dodge Caliber proceeded to turn left. According to YRP Staff Sgt. Terry Jordan, the male did not have enough time to avoid the female driver.
Jordan says that though injuries were only minor, the motorcyclist was taken to Southlake Health Care Centre in Newmarket by paramedics as a precaution and later released.
Charges are currently pending."
I'm not a language expert, written or verbal. I'm not journalist, and I don't claim to have any solution to sexism, racism, ageism or any kind of prejudicial or discriminatory ism. This just reads poorly, and in the simplest terms (probably) isn't accurate. I say probably, because having read it I'm not sure if the male hit the female or not. I believe the motorcycle struck the car.
At first I question why we needed "male" and "woman" in the "setup", but it makes sense - we want to know that anyway. After that, why isn't it motorcyclist and driver? or motorcycle and car? Note it says "male motorcyclist" and "woman travelling". Why not "A 35 year old man was riding a motorcycle..." and a "[where's the age?] woman was driving a car..."?
The journalist has simply taken the information from the police, without actually quoting. I suppose it could have been worse. They could have said a 35 year old adult male, completely ignoring the fact that we have the word "man" for just such a description. "Charges are currently pending"....WTF? what does "currently" add to that statement? What additional level of specificity does it bring? It doesn't. In fact, it makes the reader question whether it was current at the time of the interview, the drafting of the story, or the publication of the paper. Although I don't believe it necessary, "at the time of the interview" or "at press time" would help - "currently" means SFA.
Why is it such a hard story to write well?
A motorcyclist was taken to hospital after a collision on The Queensway South near Glenwoods Avenue in Keswick, Oct. 1.
York Regional Police were called to the area following reports of a two-vehicle collision.
A 35-year-old man was riding a motorcycle southbound on The Queensway, when a woman travelling northbound in a Dodge Caliber turned left [across his path]. According to YRP Staff Sgt. Terry Jordan, the rider did not have enough time to avoid a collision.
Jordan says that though injuries were only minor, the motorcyclist was taken to Southlake Health Care Centre in Newmarket by paramedics as a precaution and later released.
Charges are pending.
"Georgina Advocate
By Susie Kockerscheidt and Brea Bartholet
A motorcyclist has been taken to hospital after a collision on The Queensway South near Glenwoods Avenue in Keswick, Oct. 1.
York Regional Police were called to the area following reports of a two-vehicle collision.
A 35-year-old male motorcyclist was travelling southbound on The Queensway, when a woman travelling northbound in a Dodge Caliber proceeded to turn left. According to YRP Staff Sgt. Terry Jordan, the male did not have enough time to avoid the female driver.
Jordan says that though injuries were only minor, the motorcyclist was taken to Southlake Health Care Centre in Newmarket by paramedics as a precaution and later released.
Charges are currently pending."
I'm not a language expert, written or verbal. I'm not journalist, and I don't claim to have any solution to sexism, racism, ageism or any kind of prejudicial or discriminatory ism. This just reads poorly, and in the simplest terms (probably) isn't accurate. I say probably, because having read it I'm not sure if the male hit the female or not. I believe the motorcycle struck the car.
At first I question why we needed "male" and "woman" in the "setup", but it makes sense - we want to know that anyway. After that, why isn't it motorcyclist and driver? or motorcycle and car? Note it says "male motorcyclist" and "woman travelling". Why not "A 35 year old man was riding a motorcycle..." and a "[where's the age?] woman was driving a car..."?
The journalist has simply taken the information from the police, without actually quoting. I suppose it could have been worse. They could have said a 35 year old adult male, completely ignoring the fact that we have the word "man" for just such a description. "Charges are currently pending"....WTF? what does "currently" add to that statement? What additional level of specificity does it bring? It doesn't. In fact, it makes the reader question whether it was current at the time of the interview, the drafting of the story, or the publication of the paper. Although I don't believe it necessary, "at the time of the interview" or "at press time" would help - "currently" means SFA.
Why is it such a hard story to write well?
A motorcyclist was taken to hospital after a collision on The Queensway South near Glenwoods Avenue in Keswick, Oct. 1.
York Regional Police were called to the area following reports of a two-vehicle collision.
A 35-year-old man was riding a motorcycle southbound on The Queensway, when a woman travelling northbound in a Dodge Caliber turned left [across his path]. According to YRP Staff Sgt. Terry Jordan, the rider did not have enough time to avoid a collision.
Jordan says that though injuries were only minor, the motorcyclist was taken to Southlake Health Care Centre in Newmarket by paramedics as a precaution and later released.
Charges are pending.
