Make up your Wills, Power Of Attorney (money and medical) and for goodness sakes... | GTAMotorcycle.com

Make up your Wills, Power Of Attorney (money and medical) and for goodness sakes...

Zoodles95

Zoodles95

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PLEASE take the time to let your family know your wishes with respect to whether you want medical resuscitation if you need it and generally what your wishes are around these matters.

We lost my wife's mother 4 years ago and it was very sudden and sad. However, she was gone in the blink of an eye with no pain and she had all of her ducks in a row with respect to her burial arrangements etc.

This is in contrast to her ex-husband (my father-in-law). He would never speak to us about these issues. Yes, I know/knew that he wants a modest burial and wants to be in a plot close to his father. With respect to end of life decisions though... Never would open up to that. Woke up Saturday to a message from a doctor in the hospital. Turns out he ended up in the hospital and did not even tell them what he really wanted and when things went south they used all of the tools at their disposal and now he is in a medically induced coma.

I worked in some hospitals about 15 years ago before I left that field and went into medical sales. I have never seen a loved one all hooked up, on a ventilator etc. Now we are being asked questions which we do not know the answers to. We came to a consensus today but what a heart wrenching thing to do. How to honour someone you love and try to do right by them when you are extrapolating whatever you can from various conversations you have had with them for over two decades.

As soon as you can go and hug your loved one(s) and have that conversation with them so that they know what you want and don't want. It is a ****** conversation but it sure might help one day.

Now we are in a holding position to see if he will get well enough to have a surgery which might fix things enough that he can come out of his coma. What do do though if he codes in the meantime? Wowsa...
 
I agree...it's a very difficult position to be in and definitely think that a frank and honest discussion is in order.

For me, I don't have a will yet but will need to set one up. However, I've had the discussion with my parents, wife, sister about what I want should anything happen to me. I don't want to be a vegetable and do not want to burden the family with that responsibility to care for me in that type of state. Cut the cord. Donate my organs, and let me go peacefully.
 
mimico_polak said:
I agree...it's a very difficult position to be in and definitely think that a frank and honest discussion is in order.

For me, I don't have a will yet but will need to set one up. However, I've had the discussion with my parents, wife, sister about what I want should anything happen to me. I don't want to be a vegetable and do not want to burden the family with that responsibility to care for me in that type of state. Cut the cord. Donate my organs, and let me go peacefully.
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We held off a long time with the Will. I tried to go the Holographic route but could never get it going properly. We tried the internet will, computer will package etc. Losing my mother-in-law was the final straw so we went and found a lawyer and did our will, powers of attorney etc.

The other thing we need to do is go and set up our cremations, where our ashes will go etc. Very morbid but I want to have my ducks in a row if something were to happen to me. Same reason I have had term life insurance for the past decade or so.

At the very least get your will done and perhaps write down your end of life wishes and leave that note with your legal paperwork.
 
Slim Jim said:
you said do do lol



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Well, do do is part of my Father-In-Law's problems. He has had a whack of issues with hernias for years and now part of his bowel has folded over itself and caused a bowel obstruction. Sorry for the gallows humour but he is literally full of **** now which combined with his liver being cyrotic has made for some toxins which are preventing him from coming out of the coma. Need him to improve so that they can fix the bowel obstuction which will get rid of the do do...

So... It is really all about the do do!

I always try to make light of things so that is what I am doing here. My poor wife... We are still mourning the loss of our Pug Lucy and now this... Everyone here has either dealt with something like this or likely will in their lifetime.

Hopefully someone can learn from what we are going through.

Oh... and too much do do is a problem!
 
Very well said, I work in a hospital, I'm a lab tech, spend most of my time drawing blood in the ER, and it was shocking to me how many people and their families have never discussed this. I've seen on quite a fewn occasions where the family cannot agree what to do when a loved one is close to passing away.
 
Get a real lawyer that does estate planning to do your will. and have a power of attorney. The simple wording can affect transfer in an inheiritance.
IE; Joe has three kids, but one of those kids (fred) predeceased Joe. Does Freds kids get Freds share? or are they out? This is stuff that needs to be looked at.
And even if your will says cremation your executor can change it and bury you so have someone YOU TRUST.
And have a list of accounts, investments and loans, with account numbers and locations in a safe place with a copy of the will that someone YOU TRUST knows about. Lawyers no longer keep a copy of the will, its your responsability.

90% of us will leave a basic estate with a house, maybe some investments and a savings account or two. Don't be the guy with multiple properties, mortgages, stock holdings in three hundred companies, a fleet of vehicles and NO PAPER TRAIL.

Have awkward conversation about your wishes, where stuff is located , and what your expectations are of the end. Unless you want the tax and fee guys to get most of everything do not die without a will.
 
My wife has been on me about this for about 5 years now...hmmm...ever since I got the bike. But yeah, definitely some good advice here. Will be getting it all done this year.
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crankcall said:
And have a list of accounts, investments and loans, with account numbers and locations in a safe place with a copy of the will that someone YOU TRUST knows about. Lawyers no longer keep a copy of the will, its your responsability.
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This is excellent advice. My Dad's approaching 80, and I'll be the executor of the estate when that unfortunate time comes. Years ago he showed me exactly where to find all the documentation I'll need, and he's a super detailed person. It'll be a hard job, but he's made it as easy as he can.

Contrast that with a friend of his, estranged from 3 daughters, partial relationship with a sketchy son, and a new girlfriend. No will and died a month ago - my Dad told him for years to put one together, never did. That's going to be a mess.
 
Joe Bass said:
My wife has been on me about this for about 5 years now...hmmm...ever since I got the bike. But yeah, definitely some good advice here. Will be getting it all done this year.
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You have kids, get it done now. Make an appt with a lawyer and get it done. The decisions to make before you get there, whom will care for your kids if you and spouse both go together, this is usually a good fight. And what you both want in terms of heroic attempts to prolong life, and funerary arrangements. Dont pay lawyer hours to argue with the wife.
 
crankcall said:
You have kids, get it done now. Make an appt with a lawyer and get it done. The decisions to make before you get there, whom will care for your kids if you and spouse both go together, this is usually a good fight. And what you both want in terms of heroic attempts to prolong life, and funerary arrangements. Dont pay lawyer hours to argue with the wife.
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+100!

Any financial planning book worth its salt talks about this right away and it is extremely important. Nobody wants to discuss or deal with this stuff. It is morbid, sad, and crappy. Just the same once you get it done you can put it in a safe place and get on with the happier elements of your life.

My father-in-law is worsening. More decisions to make with no road map. I would be surprised if he has/had a will. Will be a cluster you know what when the inevitable transpires.

Spoke to my parents last night. At least I know what they want. Just the same they refuse to write it down at all and won't go to the funeral home just down the street from them to do their final planning. I know what they want so I can do it but just the same I have been through this before with my mother-in-law and having those final arrangements already done saved us a lot of stress. We had to start being caregivers for my autistic brother-in-law immediately and it allowed us just to focus on David and go from there.

My wife and I are going to look after our final arrangements this year. I am going to be 45 so some might think that is a bit premature. Just the same we are mortgage and car loan free so we are in a position to be able to do this.
 
While you're living:
- Power of Attorney for Personal Care
- Power of Attorney for Property

If you're bright enough, it's easy enough to make them up yourself: http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/pgt/poakit.asp

These PoAs make it easier for your designated representative (most commonly your spouse) to make decisions on your behalf, vs the doctors and the Public Trustees Office.

My spouse and I each have one of these in place - identifying each other as the PoA, and an alternate in case we're both disabled at the same time. The PoA document for Personal Care specifically lists our desires for life/support that we wish the PoA designate to perform. The PoA document for property specifically calls out personal and shared accounts so there would be no trouble at the banks and what not.

When you die:
- Will

Best to gather a list of your assets (and debts) and what you want to happen to them, then visit a lawyer to formalize.

IMHO, a big value in having an independent lawyer involved is that there's less chance of any disputes later on amongst inheritees or relatives who thought they'd be an inheritee and call into question a will completed personally or by a close relative who is an inheritee.

If you have any monetary assets of note, for example $40,000. in an RSP account, most financial institutions will require the executor to go through the probate court and a well-made will makes that easier.
 
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Thank you, the kids are my number one priority. Putting it off this long has been a dumb ***** thing, especially with my current health issues. Luckily for us, future care for the kids and funeral arrangements are some of the few things that we don't argue about. But I've never really considered the situation of prolonging life. That's a talk we will have to have. Actually, I'm not even sure where I stand on that yet.
 
If you hate your family and everyone around you DON'T make a will. That way they'll claw each other's eyes out dealing with the mess you leave behind. If you really hate your spouse make sure everything is in your name when you die. That way they can't sell unneeded vehicles or change/cancel insurance. That works even better if you have an ex or questionable offspring that could come out of the woodwork demanding a share.

The lawyers will erect a statue in your honour.
 
Riceburner said:
Been meaning to do it for decades....
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My cynical post relates to a distant friend who died suddenly with everything in his name including rental properties. His wife couldn't collect the income but had to make sure the bills were being paid. Not easy when you haven't been given any legal rights to anything. She couldn't cancel car insurance as there was no power of attorney etc. Total mess for about 2 years.

Who do you hate?
 
nobbie48 said:
If you hate your family and everyone around you DON'T make a will. That way they'll claw each other's eyes out dealing with the mess you leave behind. If you really hate your spouse make sure everything is in your name when you die. That way they can't sell unneeded vehicles or change/cancel insurance. That works even better if you have an ex or questionable offspring that could come out of the woodwork demanding a share.

The lawyers will erect a statue in your honour.
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Had no problem transferring ownership of vehicles into my name with a couple pieces of documentation; death certificate, deed indicating that we lived in joint tenancy, the ownership and my driver's licence.
 
nobbie48 said:
If you hate your family and everyone around you DON'T make a will. That way they'll claw each other's eyes out dealing with the mess you leave behind. If you really hate your spouse make sure everything is in your name when you die. That way they can't sell unneeded vehicles or change/cancel insurance. That works even better if you have an ex or questionable offspring that could come out of the woodwork demanding a share.

The lawyers will erect a statue in your honour.
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Add a reverse mortgage in your later years, and they'll name a building after you at a Law School to go along with that statue.
 
nfq said:
Add a reverse mortgage in your later years, and they'll name a building after you at a Law School to go along with that statue.
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yikes,

quick tip, if you are an executor for your mom or dad and your family trusts you go and get signing authority on bank accounts while your parents are sound mind and able to accompany you to the bank.
That way if someones passes, immediately transfer 9K or so into your account to cover expenses while everything gets sorted. If you tell the bank someone has passed they freeze everything till probate clears. Move some first.
And yes I have done this.
 
crankcall said:
yikes,

quick tip, if you are an executor for your mom or dad and your family trusts you go and get signing authority on bank accounts while your parents are sound mind and able to accompany you to the bank.
That way if someones passes, immediately transfer 9K or so into your account to cover expenses while everything gets sorted. If you tell the bank someone has passed they freeze everything till probate clears. Move some first.
And yes I have done this.
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Good tip, wouldn't have thought of it, thanks.
 
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