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jokes
- Thread starter oilycreek
- Start date
ashkan
Banned
(a few days too late but still funny)
If Scotland gains its independence as a result of the forthcoming referendum, the remainder of the UK will be known as the "Former United Kingdom" (FUK).
In a bid to discourage the Scots from voting "yes" the English government has begun a campaign with the slogan "Vote NO for FUK's sake." They feel that Scottish voters will warm to this.
If Scotland gains its independence as a result of the forthcoming referendum, the remainder of the UK will be known as the "Former United Kingdom" (FUK).
In a bid to discourage the Scots from voting "yes" the English government has begun a campaign with the slogan "Vote NO for FUK's sake." They feel that Scottish voters will warm to this.
mbroyda
Well-known member
a Zebra dies and goes to heaven, when St.Peter meets it at the pearly gates it says to the Zebra that God will grant it an answer to 1 question.
The Zebra meets with God and asks "you know I've been wondering my whole life, am I white with black stripes or am I black with white stripes?"
God gives the Zebra a look and reply's "you are what you are"
The Zebra walks away confused, runs back to St. Peter and tells him the story to which he reply's "yes so you are white with black stripes" Zebra asks "how do you figure that !?!?" St.Peter reply's "well if you were black with white stripes God would have said YOU IS WHAT YOU IS (insert ghetto accent)!!!!"
The Zebra meets with God and asks "you know I've been wondering my whole life, am I white with black stripes or am I black with white stripes?"
God gives the Zebra a look and reply's "you are what you are"
The Zebra walks away confused, runs back to St. Peter and tells him the story to which he reply's "yes so you are white with black stripes" Zebra asks "how do you figure that !?!?" St.Peter reply's "well if you were black with white stripes God would have said YOU IS WHAT YOU IS (insert ghetto accent)!!!!"
Slim Jim
Well-known member
A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:
Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday
and has still not come home.
Sergeant : What is her height ?
Husband : I really never noticed.
Sergeant : Build?
Husband : Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant : Colour of eyes?
Husband : Never noticed.
Sergeant : Colour of hair?
Husband : Changes according to season.
Sergeant : What was she wearing?
Husband : Dress/suit/ I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
Husband : Yes.
Husband : Black Audi A8 with super charged 3.0 litre V6 engine
generating 333 horse power with an eight-speed
triptonic automatic transmission with manual mode.
And it has full LED headlights which use light emitting
diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch
on the front left door.……………. at this point the
husband started crying...
Sergeant : Don't worry sir.......We’ll find your car.
Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday
and has still not come home.
Sergeant : What is her height ?
Husband : I really never noticed.
Sergeant : Build?
Husband : Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant : Colour of eyes?
Husband : Never noticed.
Sergeant : Colour of hair?
Husband : Changes according to season.
Sergeant : What was she wearing?
Husband : Dress/suit/ I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
Husband : Yes.
Husband : Black Audi A8 with super charged 3.0 litre V6 engine
generating 333 horse power with an eight-speed
triptonic automatic transmission with manual mode.
And it has full LED headlights which use light emitting
diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch
on the front left door.……………. at this point the
husband started crying...
Sergeant : Don't worry sir.......We’ll find your car.
Shouldn't the vote have been "Aye" or Nae"?
A guy is at his doctor's office and the doctor asks "What seems to be the problem?".The guy says "I have this really strange problem,I have a ringing in my ears and it sounds like music". "What kind of music?" asks the doctor."That's the strange part" the guy says "It sounds like Tom Jones singing".The doctor pauses and says "It sounds like you have a classic case of Tom Jones-itous".The guy says "I've never heard of that. Is it common?" The doctor looks at the patient and says "Well, it's not unusual."
Slim Jim
Well-known member
II met an older woman at a bar last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60+year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably
had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's
Double?
'What's that? I asked. '
It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might
look like,
I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky
night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom...you still awake?'
She looked pretty good for a 60+year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably
had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's
Double?
'What's that? I asked. '
It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might
look like,
I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky
night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom...you still awake?'
Slim Jim
Well-known member
A boy walks into his parents room and catches his mom naked on top of his dad, he runs away, the mother grabs clothes, runs after him and says to him, mommy was just getting the air out of daddy's tummy, the boy looks her straight in the eyes and says, mom you're wasting your time, when your at work the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.
Adult content filter?
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