Marriage appeal?

[EngineerJoe]

I'm sorry EngineerJoe! No he is not. I just find the personalities of engineers very interesting and based on the majority of his posts I am betting that Caboose wears a pinky ring with pride So it was a little dig...

No need to apologize, I wasn't offended (just curious). Nothing wrong with knowing who you are and bring proud of it (you'll almost always find me with my ring on).

Engineers are a different breed, although when you know as many engineers as I do, you start realizing that we can think and act very differently.

On a side note, I see where both you and Caboose are coming from, even though I have not yet either of you two.

[kickstartt]

Either you two are among the 1% or you're both full of ****. Laws of probability suggest it's the latter.

Women want a fairy tale that doesn't exist. They want their Hollywood love story and will keep their blinders on in pursuit of it. I've been guilty of having my blinders on but it's the opposite, I have had tunnel vision and missed other opportunities because I was so focused on another. Women are the opposite, they will miss what's right in front of them because they're waiting for a guy that doesn't exist.

That fairy tale has two parts. Passionate and companionate. The passionate part comes first, the so called "honeymoon stage" of the relationship. That inevitably fades and the only way for a relationship to remain solid is for a strong companionate connection. Unfortunately the two stages have nothing to do with each other. A good passionate stage in no way indicates whether or not the companionate stage will be as strong. This is why girls date d-bags. They're strong and aggressive and take charge, but in the end they don't have what is needed to be best friends with their partner. Those men are a disappointment because once the honeymoon stage fades there is no strong friendship (because it becomes evident that they're d-bags).

My views on love are different than most, and they have repeatedly got me into trouble. I am looking for a girl to be my best friend, not just my girlfriend/wife/whatever..... then i get 'friend zoned'. You call it a waste of time, I consider it getting to know them a bit before I decide if there is any potential for a companionate connection.

In closing.

that make sense, man i respect ur opinion

[rashidme]

I'm sorry EngineerJoe! No he is not. I just find the personalities of engineers very interesting and based on the majority of his posts I am betting that Caboose wears a pinky ring with pride So it was a little dig...

i love my pinky ring. gives me a sense of accomplishment

this thread is fun!

[kickstartt]

caboose483, of all people I've read on this thread, I think you have it most right. That isn't to say that others don't, but your name stands out in all of this, and I applaud you openly for your way of thinking.

Someone said something about a cognitive bias of people THINKING they are hit on more when they are married or in a relationship, and I think this has hit the nail on the head. Combine that with the "safe flirt" ego-pandering stuff, and that pretty much ends that question right there.

I suspect this is more a modern North American problem than anything else. Our media has taught women that single men are awful, disgusting creatures who only want to use them for their own evil sexual desires, and who are incapable of anything beyond this. Housewives of XYZ, anyone? It has also taught men that it's glorious to bed women by quantity like it's some competition to out-fukk Ghengis Khan or Ramses II. Jersey Shore, anyone? I have friends who've bedded 500-something women, and have high attractiveness to the opposite sex through a mastery of the elements of attraction to them, but beyond this, are wholly empty inside and can't maintain any semblance of a long term relationship with any of those women. Why? Psychological issues cause them to reward themselves for this kind of behavior, and they never get past this point. It isn't in their mental paradigms to even think beyond this. They are the exact type of male women are warned about and stupid men model themselves after. Do I feel more sympathy for those deceived women, many of whom thought those men were keepers, or for my associates who never get to see the beauty of love? Tough call. Throw all this together and no wonder the divorce rate is 50-something percent.

Thinking about it, none of what is described in this thread seems to have affected my own immigrant parents. Somehow my by-no-means-rich-not-too-physically-attractive-but-quite-smart-and-go-getter father put a ring on a classy woman 7 years his junior who despite being nearly 60 now looks like she's barely in her mid-late-40s, and they both love each other dearly and are best friends after 3 decades of marriage. My father STILL playfully flirts with her. Thirty plus years... do modern marriages last even 3-5? They had their rocky points along the way, and they've both had ample chances to leave the other, but they've held together better than most other couples I've seen or heard of throughout my life, despite living together and living apart for work related reasons. Why? They don't have low self-esteem and don't have an external locus of defining who they are. In layman's terms: they live life according to their own models, and not by models imposed upon them by someone else or society.

Now here's the best the best part as it relates to this thread: You're not allowed by society's model to go after what you want! If you're single and looking, which is pretty much the default condition and genetic obligation/drive of every human being, you're told the very last thing you should ever do is broadcast this to a prospective mate in any way, as it's instantly repulsive to them. Why? Because if you're single and still looking for someone after exactly 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 01 seconds, you're OBVIOUSLY a total loser. "He's single for a reason", right? Nope, you've got that all wrong. Modern North Americans are taught to engage in never-ending power struggles because they are psychologically weak and highly ego-dependent due to their chronic low self-esteem. "The game" is to make the other person come to you when in fact you want them just as much or more. Why? To feed your weak-a** ego and make you feel better about yourself, that's why. These are not actions of a true Gentleman or a true Lady, these are actions of simple-minded children. It ends up in a short-term power struggle. Both parties are trying to prove to themselves they're attractive and valid. Ergo someone of the opposite sex who seems unimpressed by your existence becomes your target of affections because YOU want to feel better about YOURSELF in the fact that somehow you were so special that you caused that other person to change their minds. Hence all this "wanting what you can't have" nonsense. I can't have Marylin Monroe. Does that make me want her? Nope, she's not my type. Thanks anyway, Marylin.

That's why the "honeymoon phase" is just a phase in these generally failing relationships. That game does eventually get old and people either fall into a mundane routine of drudgery, or fall apart completely, realizing that said boost to their egos wasn't enough of a reason to keep a relationship going. "Oh, I just don't know what I want anymore" <-- Stupid! Well there's your problem. Know yourself, first, and quit your low-self-esteem mentality (harder than it sounds given the bombardment of it 24/7 around us, I know), and learn how to ask the right questions to evaluate whether or not this prospective mate is for you, and 99% of these problems go away on their own. This starts with learning to ignore what society is constantly drilling into you (for your money, they don't actually care you exist, which is a separate sermon altogether), ignoring what your friends or parents think is best for you, and actually going after what YOU want for your life.

thanks for sharing, some valuable thoughts here

[infernobuster]

Wow. This thread went for a big ****.

[Dr.Manhattan]

caboose483, of all people I've read on this thread, I think you have it most right. That isn't to say that others don't, but your name stands out in all of this, and I applaud you openly for your way of thinking.

Someone said something about a cognitive bias of people THINKING they are hit on more when they are married or in a relationship, and I think this has hit the nail on the head. Combine that with the "safe flirt" ego-pandering stuff, and that pretty much ends that question right there.

I suspect this is more a modern North American problem than anything else. Our media has taught women that single men are awful, disgusting creatures who only want to use them for their own evil sexual desires, and who are incapable of anything beyond this. Housewives of XYZ, anyone? It has also taught men that it's glorious to bed women by quantity like it's some competition to out-fukk Ghengis Khan or Ramses II. Jersey Shore, anyone? I have friends who've bedded 500-something women, and have high attractiveness to the opposite sex through a mastery of the elements of attraction to them, but beyond this, are wholly empty inside and can't maintain any semblance of a long term relationship with any of those women. Why? Psychological issues cause them to reward themselves for this kind of behavior, and they never get past this point. It isn't in their mental paradigms to even think beyond this. They are the exact type of male women are warned about and stupid men model themselves after. Do I feel more sympathy for those deceived women, many of whom thought those men were keepers, or for my associates who never get to see the beauty of love? Tough call. Throw all this together and no wonder the divorce rate is 50-something percent.

Thinking about it, none of what is described in this thread seems to have affected my own immigrant parents. Somehow my by-no-means-rich-not-too-physically-attractive-but-quite-smart-and-go-getter father put a ring on a classy woman 7 years his junior who despite being nearly 60 now looks like she's barely in her mid-late-40s, and they both love each other dearly and are best friends after 3 decades of marriage. My father STILL playfully flirts with her. Thirty plus years... do modern marriages last even 3-5? They had their rocky points along the way, and they've both had ample chances to leave the other, but they've held together better than most other couples I've seen or heard of throughout my life, despite living together and living apart for work related reasons. Why? They don't have low self-esteem and don't have an external locus of defining who they are. In layman's terms: they live life according to their own models, and not by models imposed upon them by someone else or society.

Now here's the best the best part as it relates to this thread: You're not allowed by society's model to go after what you want! If you're single and looking, which is pretty much the default condition and genetic obligation/drive of every human being, you're told the very last thing you should ever do is broadcast this to a prospective mate in any way, as it's instantly repulsive to them. Why? Because if you're single and still looking for someone after exactly 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 01 seconds, you're OBVIOUSLY a total loser. "He's single for a reason", right? Nope, you've got that all wrong. Modern North Americans are taught to engage in never-ending power struggles because they are psychologically weak and highly ego-dependent due to their chronic low self-esteem. "The game" is to make the other person come to you when in fact you want them just as much or more. Why? To feed your weak-a** ego and make you feel better about yourself, that's why. These are not actions of a true Gentleman or a true Lady, these are actions of simple-minded children. It ends up in a short-term power struggle. Both parties are trying to prove to themselves they're attractive and valid. Ergo someone of the opposite sex who seems unimpressed by your existence becomes your target of affections because YOU want to feel better about YOURSELF in the fact that somehow you were so special that you caused that other person to change their minds. Hence all this "wanting what you can't have" nonsense. I can't have Marylin Monroe. Does that make me want her? Nope, she's not my type. Thanks anyway, Marylin.

That's why the "honeymoon phase" is just a phase in these generally failing relationships. That game does eventually get old and people either fall into a mundane routine of drudgery, or fall apart completely, realizing that said boost to their egos wasn't enough of a reason to keep a relationship going. "Oh, I just don't know what I want anymore" <-- Stupid! Well there's your problem. Know yourself, first, and quit your low-self-esteem mentality (harder than it sounds given the bombardment of it 24/7 around us, I know), and learn how to ask the right questions to evaluate whether or not this prospective mate is for you, and 99% of these problems go away on their own. This starts with learning to ignore what society is constantly drilling into you (for your money, they don't actually care you exist, which is a separate sermon altogether), ignoring what your friends or parents think is best for you, and actually going after what YOU want for your life.

Too long, didn't read.

[infernobuster]

caboose483, of all people I've read on this thread, I think you have it most right. That isn't to say that others don't, but your name stands out in all of this, and I applaud you openly for your way of thinking.

Someone said something about a cognitive bias of people THINKING they are hit on more when they are married or in a relationship, and I think this has hit the nail on the head. Combine that with the "safe flirt" ego-pandering stuff, and that pretty much ends that question right there.

I suspect this is more a modern North American problem than anything else. Our media has taught women that single men are awful, disgusting creatures who only want to use them for their own evil sexual desires, and who are incapable of anything beyond this. Housewives of XYZ, anyone? It has also taught men that it's glorious to bed women by quantity like it's some competition to out-fukk Ghengis Khan or Ramses II. Jersey Shore, anyone? I have friends who've bedded 500-something women, and have high attractiveness to the opposite sex through a mastery of the elements of attraction to them, but beyond this, are wholly empty inside and can't maintain any semblance of a long term relationship with any of those women. Why? Psychological issues cause them to reward themselves for this kind of behavior, and they never get past this point. It isn't in their mental paradigms to even think beyond this. They are the exact type of male women are warned about and stupid men model themselves after. Do I feel more sympathy for those deceived women, many of whom thought those men were keepers, or for my associates who never get to see the beauty of love? Tough call. Throw all this together and no wonder the divorce rate is 50-something percent.

Thinking about it, none of what is described in this thread seems to have affected my own immigrant parents. Somehow my by-no-means-rich-not-too-physically-attractive-but-quite-smart-and-go-getter father put a ring on a classy woman 7 years his junior who despite being nearly 60 now looks like she's barely in her mid-late-40s, and they both love each other dearly and are best friends after 3 decades of marriage. My father STILL playfully flirts with her. Thirty plus years... do modern marriages last even 3-5? They had their rocky points along the way, and they've both had ample chances to leave the other, but they've held together better than most other couples I've seen or heard of throughout my life, despite living together and living apart for work related reasons. Why? They don't have low self-esteem and don't have an external locus of defining who they are. In layman's terms: they live life according to their own models, and not by models imposed upon them by someone else or society.

Now here's the best the best part as it relates to this thread: You're not allowed by society's model to go after what you want! If you're single and looking, which is pretty much the default condition and genetic obligation/drive of every human being, you're told the very last thing you should ever do is broadcast this to a prospective mate in any way, as it's instantly repulsive to them. Why? Because if you're single and still looking for someone after exactly 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 01 seconds, you're OBVIOUSLY a total loser. "He's single for a reason", right? Nope, you've got that all wrong. Modern North Americans are taught to engage in never-ending power struggles because they are psychologically weak and highly ego-dependent due to their chronic low self-esteem. "The game" is to make the other person come to you when in fact you want them just as much or more. Why? To feed your weak-a** ego and make you feel better about yourself, that's why. These are not actions of a true Gentleman or a true Lady, these are actions of simple-minded children. It ends up in a short-term power struggle. Both parties are trying to prove to themselves they're attractive and valid. Ergo someone of the opposite sex who seems unimpressed by your existence becomes your target of affections because YOU want to feel better about YOURSELF in the fact that somehow you were so special that you caused that other person to change their minds. Hence all this "wanting what you can't have" nonsense. I can't have Marylin Monroe. Does that make me want her? Nope, she's not my type. Thanks anyway, Marylin.

That's why the "honeymoon phase" is just a phase in these generally failing relationships. That game does eventually get old and people either fall into a mundane routine of drudgery, or fall apart completely, realizing that said boost to their egos wasn't enough of a reason to keep a relationship going. "Oh, I just don't know what I want anymore" <-- Stupid! Well there's your problem. Know yourself, first, and quit your low-self-esteem mentality (harder than it sounds given the bombardment of it 24/7 around us, I know), and learn how to ask the right questions to evaluate whether or not this prospective mate is for you, and 99% of these problems go away on their own. This starts with learning to ignore what society is constantly drilling into you (for your money, they don't actually care you exist, which is a separate sermon altogether), ignoring what your friends or parents think is best for you, and actually going after what YOU want for your life.

I got as far as " caboose 483 " ... lol

[REDBALLS]

Too long, didn't read.

I am waiting on the coles notes version.

[rashidme]

I am waiting on the coles notes version.

lol. i need an executive summary.

[caboose483]

I'm sorry EngineerJoe! No he is not. I just find the personalities of engineers very interesting and based on the majority of his posts I am betting that Caboose wears a pinky ring with pride So it was a little dig...

I don't wear my ring.

[Jayv]

I am waiting on the coles notes version.

It's Marilyn not Marylin Moore..........

[nfq]

I don't wear my ring.

Best answer to Appealing Marriage.

[RockerGuy]

You're like a scratched record love. We get it. You're the real deal. Men everywhere lust after you. That is apart from the loser who you decided to live with and then played away on you cos your such a wonderful catch and a great girl. Honestly, you spout so much made up ***** you can't even keep up with your own BS.

For intimidating read boring narcissist.

Heed my advice; get a bike and learn to ride if you want to hang out on a motorcycle forum. Get a man and hold down a long term relationship. Then you can add to a discussion about marriage.

And now you're joining mmmnaked on ignore. Ta ta.

I just read this 2x for no reason

[OpenGambit]

Best answer to Appealing Marriage.

Not that ring homeboy.

[dr_sarcasm]

I just read this 2x for no reason

Me too - I'm shocked there's other people on GTAM outside of me on ignore lists!

I don't feel special anymore.

[RockerGuy]

Me too - I'm shocked there's other people on GTAM outside of me on ignore lists!

I don't feel special anymore.

Some ppl add me to their list because I have mindless posts. Well, I post in Romper Room & Trash Talk, need I say more?

[nfq]

Not that ring homeboy.

I know. But taken out of context, the statement holds its own.

[Red695]

I just read this 2x for no reason

I know you read it twice because of your secret crush on me RockerGuy....don't worry, you don't have to beat up Fiery, I will do it myself...

[RockerGuy]

I know you read it twice because of your secret crush on me RockerGuy....don't worry, you don't have to beat up Fiery, I will do it myself...

I ain't gonna cockblock Freestyle, that's against the man rules

[Roasted]

Now before I ask this next question I gotta strap on my flame proof suit...all set. Ok I've had people(both male and female, say that peeps from toronto are stuck up, especially in initial pick up contacts? Really? I've also had people say Americans are the most outgoing. So let me get this straight, because we're not letting random people bang us and we're not on Maury tryin to find our babies daddy or taking lie detectors we're stuck up? How could the country that invented newfies and Albertans be stuck up?

No, you got it all wrong. I COMPLETELY agree wtih the first part but it's not just in pickup but in general. People in Toronto seem to have this mentality of "anyone that's trying to talk to me that I don't know is trying to bang me". The first thought people seem to have here; "why is he/she talking to me?". This causes them to completely shut out any convos with strangers. This does NOT apply to all of Canada such as, I'd imagine, Alberta or Newfoundland.

I've had some very fun encounters with complete strangers in the US and Europe despite my very limited time outside of Canada. I remember at one point at a STRIP CLUB in Scotland I was talking and cracking jokes with another DUDE. There was NOTHING homo about it, but I can't see this happening here. I've had a chick completely cold approach me and try to pick me up at the Airport in Vegas. I can only remember getting cold approached and hit on FOUR TIMES EVER in Toronto and two of those times was by GAY GUYS (I am completely serious).

I realize that some of it has to do with the whole "vacation mode" mentality where people are more open to new experiences when on vacation, this includes making friends and yes, hooking up* but there is still definitely some truth there.

*Women tend to drop the ***** act on vacation and let their inner slut loose....it's kind of like the "I have to be a good girl in front of my friends/family" doesn't apply when you're a couple thousand km away from home and no one will know about your sluttyness.