Marriage appeal?

[Kri$han]

I think some of the OP's appeal to single (or otherwise?) ladies, is that now that you're married, your approach to women is that you really couldn't be bothered... Women absolutely LOVE this... I get hit on a lot more whenever im in a relationship, and its probably because whenever i talk to women im much more relaxed, and couldnt care less how they react to me... In my experiences, not giving a **** goes waaaaay further than almost any other approach.

Of course, it doesn't hurt to follow other simple rules; look good, smell good and be somewhat polite. Most men also get better at this with age, so it's not surprising to get more 'action' as we get older.

[OpenGambit]

boy this thread got crappy fast.

[JonnyWyshbone]

I think some of the OP's appeal to single (or otherwise?) ladies, is that now that you're married, your approach to women is that you really couldn't be bothered... Women absolutely LOVE this... I get hit on a lot more whenever im in a relationship, and its probably because whenever i talk to women im much more relaxed, and couldnt care less how they react to me... In my experiences, not giving a **** goes waaaaay further than almost any other approach.

Of course, it doesn't hurt to follow other simple rules; look good, smell good and be somewhat polite. Most men also get better at this with age, so it's not surprising to get more 'action' as we get older.

I was thinking about this. I hate to admit, but my wife pretty much buys most of my clothes that aren't jeans, t shirts or m/c gear, so maybe the appeal is there but I don't notice. But Red made a good point about my wife being the draw of attention, which could be true, but I just figured ladies outside the club would be more inclined to respect another chick with her man. Stop giving each other flak over who thinks who is narcissistic, weve all been thru the mill, so to speak, and thus our bound to have different experiences to bring to the table. I found people who have been involved in relationship mistakes tend to do whatever it takes to not be burned the same way again, including building emotional defenses in order to keep away the same like. We can't spite one another for what we've been thru. Please no grief for anyone for not having a bike. I have one right now that hasn't seen a lick of ride time yet this season since I'm stuck here waiting for surgery, I live vicariously thru all of you. Red, stay up gurl, none of us can claim to have lived the same life as you, same as you can't claim, either. Trust me, I literally had to fight to be with my wife, and would do it again and again in a heartbeat to be with her, but not everyone would.

Now before I ask this next question I gotta strap on my flame proof suit...all set. Ok I've had people(both male and female, say that peeps from toronto are stuck up, especially in initial pick up contacts? Really? I've also had people say Americans are the most outgoing. So let me get this straight, because we're not letting random people bang us and we're not on Maury tryin to find our babies daddy or taking lie detectors we're stuck up? How could the country that invented newfies and Albertans be stuck up?

[Red695]

You're like a scratched record love. We get it. You're the real deal. Men everywhere lust after you. That is apart from the loser who you decided to live with and then played away on you cos your such a wonderful catch and a great girl. Honestly, you spout so much made up ***** you can't even keep up with your own BS.

For intimidating read boring narcissist.

Heed my advice; get a bike and learn to ride if you want to hang out on a motorcycle forum. Get a man and hold down a long term relationship. Then you can add to a discussion about marriage.

And now you're joining mmmnaked on ignore. Ta ta.

Ignore! How can I go on? Oh my, you will miss out on all my entertaining bs! Cuts..like..a...knife.... What will you do on the forum? Read about motorcycles??? How bizarre. You are all man aren't you Fiery. And I am sure you do do well with the ladies. Just as long as you keep your misogynistic mouth closed I understand though, it's hard to take **** from a broad.

[caboose483]

I now think the main thing one has to find in a relationship that will stand the test of time is common goals. Because after the honeymoon phase, you will have something in common to keep you together. People, women, don't know what the hell to look for in a partner until they have made or witnessed a few mistakes, so this comes with maturity, imo.

Yup, I like to weed out the wastes of time within the first 5 minutes. I am sure it can be very trying and offensive to some but I could care less. I have better things to do...

It sure sounds like you have everything figured out, eh?

[Red695]

It sure sounds like you have everything figured out, eh?

Nope, it's not like I am an engineer or something. It's all bs, I don't even have a bike, or a penis, what do I know?

[caboose483]

Nope, it's not like I am an engineer or something. It's all bs, I don't even have a bike, or a penis, what do I know?

Apparently you know that you can determine whether or not you have the same or similar life goals as someone else within 5 minutes of meeting them (based on them being 'all talk' or not?). That's a very useful life skill. Did you have to take classes or does that come naturally to you?

[Red695]

Apparently you know that you can determine whether or not you have the same or similar life goals as someone else within 5 minutes of meeting them (based on them being 'all talk' or not?). That's a very useful life skill. Did you have to take classes or does that come naturally to you?

Okay fine, I will bite. Can't walk away from a potentially good argument...but no getting all pissy and rude and then pulling some ***** move like fiery did.
Within 5 minutes I can generally tell whether I would like to spend another 5 minutes talking to someone. And yeah I can be pushy and sometimes abrasive. A good way to tell what a person is like is to insult them and see how they take it, no joke. It's part of my occupation so its something I have worked on for years. I have to figure people out relatively quickly to earn my living.

[dr_sarcasm]

boy this thread got crappy fast.

Seriously.

Here I thought we were gonna have some bewbies thrown out on this thread, and then...nada.

I r sad panda.

[EngineerJoe]

Nope, it's not like I am an engineer or something. It's all bs, I don't even have a bike, or a penis, what do I know?

Is your ex an engineer?

[Red695]

Is your ex an engineer?

I'm sorry EngineerJoe! No he is not. I just find the personalities of engineers very interesting and based on the majority of his posts I am betting that Caboose wears a pinky ring with pride So it was a little dig...

[caboose483]

Okay fine, I will bite. Can't walk away from a potentially good argument...but no getting all pissy and rude and then pulling some ***** move like fiery did.
Within 5 minutes I can generally tell whether I would like to spend another 5 minutes talking to someone. And yeah I can be pushy and sometimes abrasive. A good way to tell what a person is like is to insult them and see how they take it, no joke. It's part of my occupation so its something I have worked on for years. I have to figure people out relatively quickly to earn my living.

Then what happens after ten minutes? Potentially another 5 minutes? Perhaps you're not explaining yourself all that well. The way you write makes it seem as though any potential suitor has 5 minutes to win you over, otherwise they're cut because anything longer than 5 minutes is a waste of time.. since you have so much other stuff to be doing.

It can potentially take a lot less than 5 minutes to determine if someone is not a potential match for me. It might take 5 minutes, it might take 5 days, or 5 weeks. However, it takes a lot more than 5 minutes to determine if someone is a potential match for me. It's not a waste of time, it's all just a part of figuring out what makes someone tick. I don't assign some arbitrary time limit for someone to sufficiently impress me.

You call it intimidating. A lot of people will see it as bitchiness. A lot of guys (likely myself included) might pull the chute on a conversation with you prior to 5 minutes because they just think you're a *****. Just sayin.

[Red695]

Then what happens after ten minutes? Potentially another 5 minutes? Perhaps you're not explaining yourself all that well. The way you write makes it seem as though any potential suitor has 5 minutes to win you over, otherwise they're cut because anything longer than 5 minutes is a waste of time.. since you have so much other stuff to be doing.

It can potentially take a lot less than 5 minutes to determine if someone is not a potential match for me. It might take 5 minutes, it might take 5 days, or 5 weeks. However, it takes a lot more than 5 minutes to determine if someone is a potential match for me. It's not a waste of time, it's all just a part of figuring out what makes someone tick. I don't assign some arbitrary time limit for someone to sufficiently impress me.

You call it intimidating. A lot of people will see it as bitchiness. A lot of guys (likely myself included) might pull the chute on a conversation with you prior to 5 minutes because they just think you're a *****. Just sayin.

Well I am sure I seem like a ***** to you now, who wouldn't. But honestly I am very likable in person when not having cyber bullies hurling insults at me. Should I tell you how wonderful I am and how everyone who meets me thinks I am great? I am sure you would believe me and not start calling me a narcissist or other untoward things. Perhaps if I wanted to entice members of this board I should have been more demure and kept my mouth shut, most men prefer that.
As for after the 10 minutes, I don't waste my time. I don't consider conversing with an intelligent, genuine person a waste of time. I love meeting people and speaking with them. So many things you can learn from listening to others, not to mention the friendships you end up with which I find invaluable. I don't need to "score" or "meet my match". I am not "on the prowl". I just enjoy people immensely, men especially. But after 5 minutes I have a pretty darn good idea whether the person I am speaking with is someone I will have some sort of relationship with or whether continuing to speak with them is something I would enjoy.
And btw, I never offered up any of this info about myself without being asked or called out on something I said. So call me an attention whore or what have you, whatever you like. It won't bother me, but I am likely to fight back. I am just offering up my opinion just like everyone else on here.

[ZX600]

Red695 is a very nice person actually, I meet her once. I think she is a lot less complicated and a lot more easy going that what it seems through her posts

A lot of the times someones personality doesn't really come across well on a forum and they are totally different in person than what it seems in here.

I am an example, I am sweet and very nice in person


....

[eastcoast_gsx]

Your all ****ed... except caboose, he is just stunned as someone once told him

[OpenGambit]

Red695 is a very nice person actually, I meet her once. I think she is a lot less complicated and a lot more easy going that what it seems through her posts

A lot of the times someones personality doesn't really come across well on a forum and they are totally different in person than what it seems in here.

I am an example, I am sweet and very nice in person


....

lies.

[caboose483]

Your all ****ed... except caboose, he is just stunned as someone once told him

What?!

[Red695]

lies.

No it's true...I found him to be very sweet and not in the least bit ugly like he keeps telling us

[viper84737]

caboose483, of all people I've read on this thread, I think you have it most right. That isn't to say that others don't, but your name stands out in all of this, and I applaud you openly for your way of thinking.

Someone said something about a cognitive bias of people THINKING they are hit on more when they are married or in a relationship, and I think this has hit the nail on the head. Combine that with the "safe flirt" ego-pandering stuff, and that pretty much ends that question right there.

I suspect this is more a modern North American problem than anything else. Our media has taught women that single men are awful, disgusting creatures who only want to use them for their own evil sexual desires, and who are incapable of anything beyond this. Housewives of XYZ, anyone? It has also taught men that it's glorious to bed women by quantity like it's some competition to out-fukk Ghengis Khan or Ramses II. Jersey Shore, anyone? I have friends who've bedded 500-something women, and have high attractiveness to the opposite sex through a mastery of the elements of attraction to them, but beyond this, are wholly empty inside and can't maintain any semblance of a long term relationship with any of those women. Why? Psychological issues cause them to reward themselves for this kind of behavior, and they never get past this point. It isn't in their mental paradigms to even think beyond this. They are the exact type of male women are warned about and stupid men model themselves after. Do I feel more sympathy for those deceived women, many of whom thought those men were keepers, or for my associates who never get to see the beauty of love? Tough call. Throw all this together and no wonder the divorce rate is 50-something percent.

Thinking about it, none of what is described in this thread seems to have affected my own immigrant parents. Somehow my by-no-means-rich-not-too-physically-attractive-but-quite-smart-and-go-getter father put a ring on a classy woman 7 years his junior who despite being nearly 60 now looks like she's barely in her mid-late-40s, and they both love each other dearly and are best friends after 3 decades of marriage. My father STILL playfully flirts with her. Thirty plus years... do modern marriages last even 3-5? They had their rocky points along the way, and they've both had ample chances to leave the other, but they've held together better than most other couples I've seen or heard of throughout my life, despite living together and living apart for work related reasons. Why? They don't have low self-esteem and don't have an external locus of defining who they are. In layman's terms: they live life according to their own models, and not by models imposed upon them by someone else or society.

Now here's the best the best part as it relates to this thread: You're not allowed by society's model to go after what you want! If you're single and looking, which is pretty much the default condition and genetic obligation/drive of every human being, you're told the very last thing you should ever do is broadcast this to a prospective mate in any way, as it's instantly repulsive to them. Why? Because if you're single and still looking for someone after exactly 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 01 seconds, you're OBVIOUSLY a total loser. "He's single for a reason", right? Nope, you've got that all wrong. Modern North Americans are taught to engage in never-ending power struggles because they are psychologically weak and highly ego-dependent due to their chronic low self-esteem. "The game" is to make the other person come to you when in fact you want them just as much or more. Why? To feed your weak-a** ego and make you feel better about yourself, that's why. These are not actions of a true Gentleman or a true Lady, these are actions of simple-minded children. It ends up in a short-term power struggle. Both parties are trying to prove to themselves they're attractive and valid. Ergo someone of the opposite sex who seems unimpressed by your existence becomes your target of affections because YOU want to feel better about YOURSELF in the fact that somehow you were so special that you caused that other person to change their minds. Hence all this "wanting what you can't have" nonsense. I can't have Marilyn Monroe. Does that make me want her? Nope, she's not my type. Thanks anyway, Marilyn.

That's why the "honeymoon phase" is just a phase in these generally failing relationships. That game does eventually get old and people either fall into a mundane routine of drudgery, or fall apart completely, realizing that said boost to their egos wasn't enough of a reason to keep a relationship going. "Oh, I just don't know what I want anymore" <-- Stupid! Well there's your problem. Know yourself, first, and quit your low-self-esteem mentality (harder than it sounds given the bombardment of it 24/7 around us, I know), and learn how to ask the right questions to evaluate whether or not this prospective mate is for you, and 99% of these problems go away on their own. This starts with learning to ignore what society is constantly drilling into you (for your money, they don't actually care you exist, which is a separate sermon altogether), ignoring what your friends or parents think is best for you, and actually going after what YOU want for your life.

[ZX600]

no it's true...i found him to be very sweet and not in the least bit ugly like he keeps telling us

shhhssssss!!!!!