Having kids, father gets no say ?

[Dr.Manhattan]

So... a friend of mine got his girlfriend pregnant, after neither of them wanted children. He uses protection, and she is on birth control. However now that she is pregnant, she has decided to keep the child, despite my friends wishes.

Now, doesn't anyone else think that the father should have a say in this ?. Even if he leaves her, he now has to pay child support for the better part of his life, and at least be a decent father for the sake of his child. I can understand if a guy knocks up a chick and he runs away, never to be seen again, however as a long term couple, I personally think the men should have a say in this besides just the women having the ultimate decision. It takes two people to get pregnant, however only 1 can make a life changing decision. Of course people will say " well you know the consequences ", however if no guy wants children, it is kind of unjust to expect him to go an entire life of celibacy, that is against our true nature. Anyone else think a law should be upheld, that in the very least, if a couple is together for 3 - 5 years, there should be a JOINT decision if a mother is to give birth ?. Im my friends case, he has been in this relationship a number of years under the impression she never wanted kids, now going into University, he is strapped for cash, time, and patience, and his girlfriend really doesn't care.

[sarky]

Well i think they would both have to decide to keep the kid or not. But she wants it so guess what its in her and i beleive the woman should have the last say in this matter!
If i was in this situation i would 100% stand behind what my g/f or wife etc would want to do,

[Zed-X-Rex]

He does have a say, but it is her body. Sorry for your buddy, tough days ahead.

[just_luc]

I met women in a bar.. one night stand.. she happened to get pregnant.. we didnt know each other, there was no reason in hell we should be having a child together.. i made my wishes very clear when she was only a few weeks pregnant.. this is 2011 (was like 2009 then..) abortions are readily available, and about 50 bucks, which i offered to foot the bill for.. i didnt want it, and the key here is i voiced as much within the time that we could have done something about.. i would have a completely diffrent opinion if we both decided to have the baby and then the guy flakes, but no.. i said lets take care of it while we still could.. she said no, she was keeping it, and that was all there was too it. i had no say.

its definitely not right.

[Dresden]

So... a friend of mine got his girlfriend pregnant, after neither of them wanted children. He uses protection, and she is on birth control. However now that she is pregnant, she has decided to keep the child, despite my friends wishes.

Now, doesn't anyone else think that the father should have a say in this ?. Even if he leaves her, he now has to pay child support for the better part of his life, and at least be a decent father for the sake of his child. I can understand if a guy knocks up a chick and he runs away, never to be seen again, however as a long term couple, I personally think the men should have a say in this besides just the women having the ultimate decision. It takes two people to get pregnant, however only 1 can make a life changing decision. Of course people will say " well you know the consequences ", however if no guy wants children, it is kind of unjust to expect him to go an entire life of celibacy, that is against our true nature. Anyone else think a law should be upheld, that in the very least, if a couple is together for 3 - 5 years, there should be a JOINT decision if a mother is to give birth ?. Im my friends case, he has been in this relationship a number of years under the impression she never wanted kids, now going into University, he is strapped for cash, time, and patience, and his girlfriend really doesn't care.

Jesus, I don't even know where to start...

This is the main problem with the youth these days... you just want to hit the "abort" button and get out of all of life's responsibilities. He made the decision to get intimate at a young age. He should have known the risks full well, even if they used all of the contraception in the world.

He's got a tough life ahead of him. Hope it was worth it.

[LiNK666]

I think a more productive way to encourage the girl is to tell her how the child's life would be affected if the father was not involved.

It's her choice and I think it should be her choice in the end. If he doesn't want to pay child support he can simply move to another country. Even if he has to pay child support she's going to be worst off raising the child alone with all the responsibilities. She'll get the short end of the stick.

[2live&ride]

It's takes two to make a baby and a healthy baby should have both parents growing up for so many reasons.
I don't want to be the kind of father to have my kid for every other weekend if for whatever reason things don't work out with the g/f.
If it's not planned then the couple should consider how this will affect their future. I think it's incredibly selfish for a woman to keep the baby and not consider the other person's perspective towards the subject. Especially if they are a at a stage in life where they are not financially stable.
Women should not only think about themselves but about the future of their unborn and what kind of life they want for them.

OP- I feel for your buddy and it totally sucks... If they were together for a few years, is marriage not an option?

[FullMotoJacket]

[lucky2]

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[Freestyle72]

So... a friend of mine got his girlfriend pregnant, after neither of them wanted children. He uses protection, and she is on birth control. However now that she is pregnant, she has decided to keep the child, despite my friends wishes.

Now, doesn't anyone else think that the father should have a say in this ?. Even if he leaves her, he now has to pay child support for the better part of his life, and at least be a decent father for the sake of his child. I can understand if a guy knocks up a chick and he runs away, never to be seen again, however as a long term couple, I personally think the men should have a say in this besides just the women having the ultimate decision. It takes two people to get pregnant, however only 1 can make a life changing decision. Of course people will say " well you know the consequences ", however if no guy wants children, it is kind of unjust to expect him to go an entire life of celibacy, that is against our true nature. Anyone else think a law should be upheld, that in the very least, if a couple is together for 3 - 5 years, there should be a JOINT decision if a mother is to give birth ?. Im my friends case, he has been in this relationship a number of years under the impression she never wanted kids, now going into University, he is strapped for cash, time, and patience, and his girlfriend really doesn't care.

Sure it is. But it's also against our nature to kill our potential offspring. So by your arguement he should have the kid. Or do the unnatural thing and remain celebate.

[Dr.Manhattan]

It's takes two to make a baby and a healthy baby should have both parents growing up for so many reasons.
I don't want to be the kind of father to have my kid for every other weekend if for whatever reason things don't work out with the g/f.
If it's not planned then the couple should consider how this will affect their future. I think it's incredibly selfish for a woman to keep the baby and not consider the other person's perspective towards the subject. Especially if they are a at a stage in life where they are not financially stable.
Women should not only think about themselves but about the future of their unborn and what kind of life they want for them.

OP- I feel for your buddy and it totally sucks... If they were together for a few years, is marriage not an option?

Well, not too sure, he came over the other night pretty depressed about everything and I had to calm him down for a few hours. I guess he feels a little betrayed since his girlfriend told him from the get go, she never wanted kids in the first place. Blame it on her friends with kids, or whatever, but now she found out she's pregnant, she is all gun-ho about it. He just saved up enough for University for Computer Science, and have worked it out to just barely get by and have a little bit at the end of the month to have a little " go out " fun. People really over-look how hard raising a kid is, and how much tension it puts on relationships and marriages. I personally feel it can drift a couple apart as it's no more " them " time, and all about the child, work, and or school. Feel bad for my buddy, known him forever, just told him to talk to the girlfriend, try to get her to see his reasoning. Again, I wish the law could help him out a bit here, as it all seems a little unfair.

[Freestyle72]

Also I would just like to mention that some women seem to think that having a kid is some form of financial prosperity because they are going to collect a cheque from the guy at the end of every month on top of all the government hand outs that tend to go with. It's a sad world we live in it. It really is. If I ever knocked a girl up I would probably make it work and marry her. And this is typically why I will only have sex with girls who are career driven and have aspirations to be something great, or have a career on the line.

These girls will typically never give you a headache with this kind of stuff and go take the morning after pill "just in case" and other such things that save a man a lot of grief.

[Zed-X-Rex]

It's takes two to make a baby and a healthy baby should have both parents growing up for so many reasons.
I don't want to be the kind of father to have my kid for every other weekend if for whatever reason things don't work out with the g/f.
If it's not planned then the couple should consider how this will affect their future. I think it's incredibly selfish for a woman to keep the baby and not consider the other person's perspective towards the subject. Especially if they are a at a stage in life where they are not financially stable.
Women should not only think about themselves but about the future of their unborn and what kind of life they want for them.

OP- I feel for your buddy and it totally sucks... If they were together for a few years, is marriage not an option?

Whos to say she did not consider the fathers feelings on the matter?

Its easy to speculate without experience, it is another to be in a position, and have to make a choice.

Perhaps in her mind the life of the child she is carrying supercedes the desire of her sexual partner to snuff out a mistake.

I can sympathize with women that believe a less than ideal life for their children is better than no life at all.

[Dr.Manhattan]

Sure it is. But it's also against our nature to kill our potential offspring. So by your arguement he should have the kid. Or do the unnatural thing and remain celebate.

Yea well, the world we live in today is pretty far from the hunter gathering stage. Not quite that simple to just have a kid and get by and live happily ever after.

[2live&ride]

Whos to say she did not consider the fathers feelings on the matter?
Its easy to speculate without experience, it is another to be in a position, and have to make a choice.
Perhaps in her mind the life of the child she is carrying supercedes the desire of her sexual partner to snuff out a mistakez
I can sympathize with women that believe a less than ideal life for their children is better than no life at all.

Im my friends case, he has been in this relationship a number of years under the impression she never wanted kids, now going into University, he is strapped for cash, time, and patience, and his girlfriend really doesn't care.

If having a child is going to ruin someone's life/career plans then it's not worth having IMO.
From the OP's post, clearly she doesn't care about her partner's feelings considering the time is not right.
They have been together for a few years (according to the OP) there should be some understanding when it comes to this topic.
It should not be a one way street!

[CruisnGrrl]

both abortion and pregnancy/child birth are hard on a woman's body... no risk to the man either way, thus the man's say is minimal.

[LoneRonin]

gotta know where to stick your ****.....shudda just given it to her in the *******

[Zed-X-Rex]

If having a child is going to ruin someone's life/career plans then it's not worth having IMO.
From the OP's post, clearly she doesn't care about her partner's feelings considering the time is not right.
They have been together for a few years (according to the OP) there should be some understanding when it comes to this topic.
It should not be a one way street!

It really sucks for the OPs buddy. I agree youd think thered be an understanding between the 2 on the topic, but she can say whatever she wants, and change her mind.. Nothing he can do, he got burned..

[Zed-X-Rex]

Bahaha!! Frozen peas lol

What ever happened to the good ol coathanger??

[Freestyle72]